I've recently re-read some chapters of a great book, "Families Where Grace Is In Place," by Jeff VanVonderen. I highly recommend it.
If you've yet to read it, ask for it at your local Christian bookstore, or you can go here to buy it online.
Here are a couple of quotes:
“If our sense of well-being and value come from the behavior of another person instead of God, we will always be giving off messages that say to others: You’d better perform right. The innate problem is that no human being is capable of performing well enough to establish anothers self-esteem—that person’s behavior will always fall short at some point. If the other person is not willing or able to change their behavior fast enough or in the ‘right way’ to meet our needs, most of us decide that their behavior is an issue we must do something about.” (Page 26)
“Most people who feel worn out in a relationship think they are tired because of the other person. ‘If he would just change,’ or ‘If she would only stop pressuring me, I wouldn’t be so tired.’ This is not true! You and I are the cause of our own tiredness, by trying to make changes in someone else that we do not have the power to make.” (Page 31)