Saturday, July 31, 2010

New Puns For The Punny Among Us

It's the weekend--time for some silliness.

Here are some puns, for those who find them enjoyable. For the most part, I simply groan when someone tells them to me. Oh, well. Here you go.

1. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

2. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

3. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

4. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

5. Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death.

6. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

8. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

9. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

10. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

11. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

12. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

13. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

14. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

15. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

16. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

17. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

18. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

20. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

21. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

22. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

23. Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

24. Every calendar's days are numbered.

25. A lot of money is tainted - taint yours and taint mine.

26. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

27. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

28. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

29. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

30. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

31. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

32. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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