Just Some Good (Maybe) Weekend Humor

These got some chuckles outta me, so I thought I'd throw them up for the weekend. Have a good one!

* Hey there, Larry King: Looks like Paris Hilton is single again, too. Just sayin’.

* President Obama has outlined his plans for deep space. First, we get the aliens some health care, then. . .

Ways To Tell You’ve Chosen A Bad College:
* Registration is held in an R.V.
* The school crest features a motto written in Pig Latin.
* Professors end lectures with “…or so I’ve heard.”
* The dean looks a lot like the woman who serves salad in the cafeteria.
* The campus bookstore buys back used coloring books.

Rodney Dangerfield-isms:
* My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
* It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
* When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
* When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
* I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
* A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
* I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
* I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
* I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
* I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.