If we shortcut living by the Spirit, we’ll not get where we want to go.
Rather than trust and rely upon the Spirit and His perfect production of life and love and grace for marriage, we’ve been tricked into accepting standards of expected marital behavior and the fleshly posturing necessary to achieve them. When we tell Christians how they should behave according to an agreed upon standard, we’ve set them up for failure; we might as well have told them to obey the Law as a means of enjoying the Christian life.
Life by standards, especially married life, makes vigilant Pharisees of us. Not only must I scrutinize my every move, but also I will naturally be hawkish about my wife. That does not make for a trusting and loving relationship. Performance based vigilance means judgmental brains and stimulated flesh, which means undiscovered hearts and lethargic spirits. The cost? We will miss the awe that comes from discovering Christ in us, perfect for every situation and need and relationship. He does the work in us; we get the experience.
Imagine Jesus loving your husband or wife. Would He be good at it? Would He have the feelings for it? Or would He have to act like He did? You know the answers.
Last question: Where is Jesus? I bet you know. Think of the work He could do from where He is. Have a few chats with the One who lives in you. Listen for the One who will never burden you with what He is particularly good at doing for Himself. He will produce in you what He is like. Remember that thing about His yoke being easy, His burden light?